A Long Walk Home

A Long Walk Home

Static silence, covering a room like fog grazes the early morning grass; breath and the beginning of life as the once frozen carcass begin to shift in the light. Tranquil, peacefully at rest from afar, yet as one’s gaze pierces the movements seem harsh, weighed down, and full of energy. One day, it seemed, all that was dearest in my life was ripped from me. Walking, rather the incapacity for it meant for me no creative outlet. No way to dance all the things my mouth kept in. Once, I felt I could move mountains with the motion of my body and the sound of music. Waking up. To a static silence, a room smelling of chemicals, and as the haze of sleep wore off I knew it was then, sitting in that hospital bed, that the surgeon would tell me everything went well; I couldn’t walk on my own for five months after leaving the hospital. 

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Due to stress on my right knee and a tendency to dislocate my surgeon, from Vanderbilt Medical Center, told me to undergo a full Medial Patella-Femoral Ligament reconstruction, replacing the patella femoral ligament with a donor. The surgery took roughly two hours once I was under anesthesia. Afterward, I spent five hours in the recovery wing before my parents rolled me home in a wheelchair. I spent the three consecutive weeks taking pills and staying on bed rest except for my physical therapy appointments. It was a rough and slow recovery, which was filled with ups and downs, from nausea because of medication, solitude, and battling physical and mental instability. Imagine simply being able to straighten and bend your knee, that alone took me three months to achieve. Once I was stable on a road to recovery I went back to school and found community with my dance team despite not being involved myself. 

After I recovered, I was able to be in the senior year dance pieces as well as the recital in which we remastered Cinderella. Although this was during covid, I thoroughly enjoyed being back in my body and dancing with my dance company. After graduating, I continued dancing at High Point University. I love being involved with lighting, filming, choreographing, dancing, being backup, and anything that means I am dancing or involved with dance. Dance is my passion, but, more importantly, what keeps me grounded. It gives me insight into my emotions and a way to express them. The dance will always be part of my life, from the way it brings people together to the way it keeps me connected to mother earth. Dance is about strength, community, movement, emotion, and most importantly, life and thriving. Although dance is about each of these things, it is pertinent to reiterate why dance matters to me; dancing gives a physical outlet for emotional overwhelms in times of blissfulness as well as a crisis without the necessity of words.

Learning how to walk again brings one back to their most primal nature. Reconnecting with my body brought me a sense of appreciation for my healthy body and thankfulness for my ability to dance and create art. Having to rebuild not only one’s motor functions but their mental well-being teaches perseverance as well as the community. The most important lesson that I learned was how to ask for help when I needed it. I am the eldest in my family and have always taken care of myself, yet when one is physically hindered from the waist down it teaches reliance as well as trust in those who support you when you in need; true friends/family will lend a hand even if it does not directly benefit them.  

Work Cited 

Gobbi, Alberto., et al. The Patellofemoral Joint [electronic Resource] : State of the Art in Evaluation and Management / Edited by Alberto Gobbi, João Espregueira-Mendes, Norimasa Nakamura. Edited by Alberto. Gobbi et al., 1st ed. 2014., Springer Berlin Heidelberg, 2014, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-642-54965-6.